Question:

A sister I know was forced into marriage at age 17. She has grudgingly been residing with her husband as a result of family pressure however, two years ago she met someone else. She is now 23 and claims to be very much in love with this other person. They are very serious and want to marry each other.

She has not had intimate relations with her husband for over two years now and has never really been able to get over the bitterness in her heart towards the marriage. She is not willing to make her marriage work as she genuinley feels she can't. She admits that there are no personal characteristics of her husband that are bad and that he'd most likely be willing to work things out if she was too, however, she does find him physically unattractive. She has not got a divorce yet as she is scared of her families reaction mainly that of her father and brothers. What can and should she do in a situation like this?

Answer:

Islam gives a female the right to marry a person whom she is happy with. Thus when the issue of marriage arose she should not have given her consent. Once she gave her consent she herself gave up this right. Divorce is a detested thing which should only be resorted to when all else fails. She should understand that marriage is not just about beauty, but she should look to other aspects of a person. If a person is practicing, a possessor of good characteristics such as generosity, patience, charitable, humble, responsible, a good father etc. Then these things are more valuable than just apparent beauty.

Societies are filled with cases where people married merely on the basis of beauty, and today they are suffering the consequences of this superficiality, such that they cannot stand looking at that person whose appearance they once found so enchanting. For example, those looks hid behind them a person who was self-centred, arrogant, lewd, promiscuous, alcoholic, mean, unfaithful or irreligious. We must become more serious in the way we look at life and take on the Islamic world view and reject the superficial and vain influences a Godless culture gives us.

If still she feels there is no way she can live with this person, then there are two ways the Shariah permits for a woman to separate from a failed marriage. The first is to ask the husband for Khula (see other answers on site for further explanation) and the second is, if he is not prepared to give Khula, to try to get the marriage annulled via a Shariah court which will look into the case and see if there is a valid reason to annul it. A valid reason would be, for example, that he does not provide financial support or is violent towards his wife. Note that merely not being happy at the moment will not be a valid reason for divorce as, as I have mentioned, if she was not agreeable at the beginning she should not have consented.

In any case, to get this issue resolved will require patience. Until it is not resolved, however that may be, it is sinful and a kind of Zina for her to maintain any kind of relations with this person she has met.

Mufti Mohammed Sajjad

Wallahu Aalam bis-sawab

Please remember us in your Duas...

The answer to this question is the opinion of the scholar and does not reflect the opinion of other scholars of As-Suffa Institute and As-Suffa Institute as an organisation.