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| Are There Any Exceptions To Keeping Bonds With Kin? |
Question:
Do I have to maintain ties with my first cousins?: My mother and maternal aunt fell out a couple of yrs ago because my mother was frank enough to inform her she saw her daughter getting into a car with a non mahram boy. I can understand my aunt was angry, but not why they would break a sisterly bond over this? Anyways over the years my aunt has used her kids in this bitter feud, i/e they are not to associate with us, their first cousins. My own mother is not without blame, she with holds information like news that my aunt wants her to share with us. Regardless of these problems we keep in touch for important events. But of late the actions of my female cousins have upset me to such an extent that i am asking you if it is still a duty on me (not my mother) to keep good ties with them? For example 1 of my cousins got married all of a sudden, most of the muslims in town were informed but my mothers family (the only close blood relation they have in the world) were not informed. I found out a couple of months after. This was hurtful because I had thght we meant something to each other. Other things have occurred. Please advise me Answer:
It is from the character of the true believer that he/she does not treat people who are of lowly character, by doing the same as them. Thus, if they have hurt you, you should continue to maintain your link with them as commanded by Islam. This means you should, when possible visit them, in particular if they are sick, invite them to your house if possible and your happy and sad occasions, such as marriage and death. This is the duty of every Muslim. If they are being motivated by anger, conceit and jealousy, do not let yourself be moved by the same mean instincts. Rather let the motivation behind your good to them be the pleasure of Allah taala and His command. There are many hadith on the importance of keeping good ties with one’s relatives; below are a few: [1] Abu Ayyub al-Ansari mentioned that a Bedouin stopped the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) as he travelled, and asked, “What will bring me closer to Paradise and further away from the Fire?” The Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Worship Allah and associate no other with Him. Perform Salah, give Zakah and maintain good family relations.” (Imam Bukhari’s Al-Adab al-Mufrad). [2] Abu Hurayrah r.a. said, “A man came to the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) and said: ‘O Prophet of Allah, I have relatives with whom I maintain good relations, but they do not reciprocate. I do good for them, and they repay me with evil. They ignore me, and I have dreams for them,’ The Prophet replied, ‘If it is as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot sand. But Allah will remain your support as long as you persist.’” (Al-Adab al-Mufrad). [3] The Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Allah said: ‘I am the Most Merciful. I created the blood ties that bind you and called it after my name. I will maintain those who maintain them and sever him who severs them.’” (Al-Adab al-Mufrad) [4] The Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Whoever wishes to increase his wealth and his life span then let him maintain his ties of kinship.” (Al-Adab al-Mufrad). It is also narrated that the Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "There is nothing weightier in the scales of the servant on the Day of Judgement than good manners," (Tirmidhi). In another hadith he said: "Do good even to those who treat you badly."
Mufti Mohammed Sajjad Wallahu Aalam bis-sawab Please remember us in your Duas... The answer to this question is the opinion of the scholar and does not reflect the opinion of other scholars of As-Suffa Institute and As-Suffa Institute as an organisation. |
