Question:

My parents don't talk to one another,and they always get angry with each other, and end up backbiting, and usually it's done in front of me, my father suffers from depression and doesn't talk to my brothers, and for this reason my mother gets angry with him. I know my father should talk to my brothers but he has his reasons, I sometimes get angry with them and usually say things that I end up regretting later. My mother wants to spend time with me but sometimes I get frustrated with both my parents that I just want to spend time alone.

Should I force myself to spend time with my mother just please her? and how do you think I can resolve this issue of parents talking to one other? Could you please recommmed a due that I could possibly read after salaah?

Another question I like to ask is that when I am at home I sometimes get sucidal thoughts and I try to put them to the back of my mind and I haven't attempted anything but could you recommed something I could read or do to get rid of these thoughts, and I would like to know if I am sinning by these thoughts in my head?

Answer:

You must show patience as all of what is happening is but a test from Allah taala to see how you react, do you lose hope, do you resort to treating people badly, do you disrespect your parents, do you end up committing sins like suicide? Presently, you should try to make people more aware of their duties and that they are responsible before Allah taala if they fail in these.

Your parents have a very great right over you and your brothers. Hence, regardless of how they treat you it is incumbent upon the Muslim to treat them well. Once a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and asked who has the greatest right upon me? The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Your Mother." The man asked the same question another two times and both times the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Your mother." As for the right of the father it is also immense. Once a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and complained about his father saying that he wished to take some of his wealth from him. This angered the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and he reprimanded the young man, telling him: "You and all your wealth belong to your father." Thus you need to remind your brothers of their duties to their father and remind them that they only have one set of parents who, if not at the moment, spent their money, time, effort and sleepless nights caring for you and your brothers.

Thus we should not forget that kindness they did to us even if we cannot remember it. Otherwise when they pass away not only will you regret not doing more for them when they lived amongst you, the consequence of treating one's parents unkindly is that Allah taala may punish us by making our own children to treat us badly when we grow old. From the above you should have understood that you need to treat your mother better than you treat your best friend. That is you should happily give her time, buy her gifts and generally keep her happy. Importantly, you do this because it pleases Allah taala. As for the thoughts you are having, you must reject them and consider them from Satan as according to a sahih hadith there is a satan perched on the heart of every person and from there he whispers evil thoughts to the person. Suicide is from the major sins in Islam, thus if this thought comes to your mind, immediately say Auzu billahi minnash-shaytan nir-rajeem. You should also try to make your home environment more Islamic by replacing Unislamic influences such as TV, music etc. with Islamic talks and books.

Mufti Mohammed Sajjad

Wallahu Aalam bis-sawab

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The answer to this question is the opinion of the scholar and does not reflect the opinion of other scholars of As-Suffa Institute and As-Suffa Institute as an organisation.