Question:
Around two years ago I fell in love with a girl and despite her rejecting me, I still can not get over her. Her parents would not allow us to marry because we have nationality and it now seems that she fell in love with another man. I have avoided her for a year now, but i think about her all the time and feel the need to try to get back with her. How can I get over this and become a good Muslim.
Answer:
Brother in Islam, my sincere advice to you is that if you were properly in the Deen you would not be so infatuated with this woman. A person who follows the religion properly is saved from such problems and at the same time gains happiness and tranquility in this life and the next. Also remember, the pleasures of this World are nothing compared to what Allah taala has prepared for his true servants in the Next Life; so if you do lose out somewhere it is no major loss. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said that Allah taala says: "I have prepared for my servants what no eye has seen and what no ear has heard of and has never been conceived by a human," (Tirmidhi). Thus put things in to perspective and rather than striving for that which is defective and (as it happens) is not actually possible for you to gain it, you should strive, by worshipping Allah and being faithful to His commands, to gain better than this in the Hereafter. Allah taala says:"Indeed the righteous will be in absolute bliss. While (sitting) on their thrones they will be watching (the scenes of Paradise). You will recognize the glamour of bliss on their faces. They will be served with a pure sealed wine to drink, the seal of which will be of Musk. It is this (bliss) those who strive for things should strive for." (83:21-25). Furthermore, instead of dwelling yet more on how you can get back together somehow, you should feel remorse, as it was a sin for you to get involved with this woman in the manner you did; and the consequence you are now suffering are from the reasons Islam prohibits such relations before marriage and should be seen as a punishment from Allah taala for disobeying Him. To cure the infatuation you have, several things can be done:[1] Make it a habit to read a portion of the Holy Qur'an every day, preferably in the morning.[2] Take five minutes out every morning and ponder over your own mortality and that death could seize you any moment. Remind yourself of how many people you know have died and how it will be when you die and your family and relatives take you to your final resting place in the grave, which is guaranteed to happen to you. Then think how will you feel at that time about this woman you fell in love with? You certainly will not be thinking of her then, let alone of how you can somehow be with her. [3] One of the things that cause a person to have inordinate love for a person is that they fail to remember the reality and defects of that person. Thus you should bring your mind to think of their deficiencies and how vile they are; such as hugging other men, abandoning the Deen, and that the external beauty that enchants you is merely a thin covering under which there is nothing more than blood, puss, and excreta. You should also remind yourself of their lack of precious internal qualities such as modesty, fear of Allah etc. [4] Another way to help you get over this is to get married to someone you feel you will be happy with. This time, however, you should observe the Islamic etiquettes in seeking a spouse.[5] You should also say the following Dua often: "Allahumma Ij`al hubbaka ahabbal ashyai ilayya" ("O Allah make your love the most beloved thing to me").
Mufti Mohammed Sajjad
Wallahu Aalam bis-sawab
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The answer to this question is the opinion of the scholar and does not reflect the opinion of other scholars of As-Suffa Institute and As-Suffa Institute as an organisation. |
